Saturday, January 29, 2011

My Conversation with a bag of Doritos

Yep, I'm getting all philosophical on you all again.  It's no secret to friends and family that I struggle with my weight.  A few years ago, I got all crazy up on Weight Watchers.  I lost, like 50 pounds in 16 weeks.  It was nuts.  I LOOKED FAB.  I felt FAB.  I just missed me affair with food and I fell off the wagon.

I've been back on Weight Watchers since the beginning of November and things have been moving S.L.O.W.L.Y.  They're moving (in the right direction), so I am trying to convince myself of success.  Lately, I've been thinking about my "relationship" with food.  Sometimes I eat something like it's the last one on the planet and I turn into a dog guarding it's food dish from the other pups.  Then I overeat and voila!   I've eaten every cracker in the the damned box.

This idea of a "relationship" has allowed me to almost start talking to food and feel ok about it...like I haven't completely lost my mind.  Here is an example of a conversation I recently had with a bag of Doritos.

Me:  Hey there, Doritos.  You look mighty good.
Doritos (D):  Hey girl, I've missed you.  You know I come in more flavors now!
Me:  Oooo.  I see your bag.  I love this idea of Buffalo and Ranch getting married.  That sounds all flavor-full
D:  Yep,  I bet you can't eat just one.
Me:  I bet I can't either.  Once I get a taste of your yummy, salty flavor, I won't want to stop.
D:  I think you're right.  Come on.  I've missed you.
Me:  BUT, even though I love you, I'm not going to OD on you.  I don't want to be that friend that comes over and doesn't know when to go home.  I hope you're OK with that.
D:  But...but...but...well, I guess so.
Me:  Look, you have to understand.  My ass is not so happy when I have to paste on my jeans.
D:  I guess I can share myself with others...(sniffle)
Me:  Yeah, perhaps you may meet someone else's ass to which you will plaster your fatty goodness on to?
D:  Maybe, but you won't be eating me for as long today.  :(
Me:  That's right, but I have other stuff I can get done and your flavor will most likely come back to bite me in the rear later........

Ok...it may not have gone exactly like this, but it allowed me to have a few chips and then close the bag.

Ah....

Maybe I'm losing my mind.  Maybe not.  :)